Like most people, when summer arrives my thoughts turn to zombies. Have you ever noticed that, when you go to the beach, you almost never see any zombies? I was pondering why that is and came up with five reasons. Here’s my countdown of the top five reasons zombies don’t go to the beach:
Five: To seagulls, zombies smell like food. It’s hard to look cool when you’re getting dive-bombed by birds trying to grab a tasty chunk of your flesh.
Four: Nobody ever challenges them to a game of beach volleyball.
Three: Too much competition from the sharks.
Two: Take a moment to imagine what a zombie would look like in a bathing suit. ’Nuff said.
One: No one has yet invented 1,200 SPF sunblock to prevent zombie sunburn.
What other reasons can you think of?